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April 23 Acknowledge and Accept Positive QualitiesTodays Mood(s): Calm, Rational, Curious, Determined
This week has been much more relaxed for me than last week. Last week I had an appointment somewhere everyday, which for me is alot, especially now when I have to pack up not just one but two small children. The only day I didn't have to go anywhere was Tuesday, and I've never enjoyed relaxing at home as much as I did that day! Especially as I'm not much for going out anymore, going out so much was.....rather stressful actually. But the appointments were necessary and had to be done. Something else I have to get done is a self-esteem exercise, so since I have a few minutes now i'm going to do it so I don't end up feeling guilty because I didn't get it done.
Exercise from: The Self-Esteem Workbook Chapter 14, Acknowledge and Accept Positive Qualities
"Self-esteem can be cultivated by resolutely acknowledging what is presently "right" about one's self. For many, this is difficult because habits of negative thinking make it easier to identify what's wrong. Although there is a time and a benefit to acknowledge shortcomings and weaknesses, when this becomes the dominant focus (to the exclusion of strengths) self esteem suffers."
Ok, this is part of where I keep having my slips into depression. It's a cycle I can't seem to break, focusing only on my shortcomings and what is wrong in my life. I end up beating myself up over every little thing that goes wrong and feeling guilty about it. For example: John would come home from work and ask me about my day and what I did, but what I hear when he asks "What did you do today?" is "Why are you so lazy and not getting this or that done". That's the thing about depression is everything makes you feel guilty...you even feel guilty about feeling guilty!
This exercise then, is practice in acknowleding and reinforcing strengths with appreciation. Doing this is a way of loving yourself.
1. Develop a list of ten positive statements about yourself that are meaningful and realistic/true.
2. Find a place to relax, undisturbed for 15 - 20 minutes. For one or two minutes, meditate on one statement and the evidences for it's accuracy. Repeat this for each statement. Why is each statement true? How do you know?
3. Repeat this exercise everyday for ten days. Each day add an additional statement.
4. Several times each day, look at an item on the list, and for about two minutes, meditate on the evidence for it's accuracy.
Ok, this is where todays moods come in. I'm feeling calm and thinking rationally. I'm curious to know if I can even come up with ten things to start with, but I'm also at the same time determined to do so! So let's get on with my list....
1. I have a good sense of humor
2. I am honest
3. I am loyal
4. I am patient
5. I am creative
6. I am flexible or adaptable
7. I am a good listener
8. I am good at organizing
9. I am a good wife
10. I am a good mother
Yay! I came up with 10 things! *Does a little happy dance* Now, for the next 10 days this is the list I will be thinking about and adding to. April 08 She wants her checkmarksTodays Mood(s): Optimistic, Ecstatic, Happy, and Excited
April 05 A relaxing dayTodays Mood(s): Happy, Delighted, Creative, Relaxed
I had a rather relaxing day today. Everyone was home, so I was actually able to manage a little bit of time for myself. One of the things I've learned in order to manage my depression, is that I need to remember about me and it's important that I get some "me time". It's helping alot too, that John and Cameron have learned more about depression and are more aware than they were before. They are both helping more around the house, and everything is not just on my shoulders anymore. We've even been more organized than we were before. I actually have a wall of chore charts in the kitchen area! Victoria & Elizabeth each have their own special ones, there is one that John, Cameron and I all share, and we have daily schedules going up soon too. These are just some of the things that have changed around here in order to help me. The thing that makes me happy the most about all these changes, is that they are helping me be able to manage my depression WITHOUT meds!! Whoot! *Does a little happy dance* So today when I got some "me time", I had to decide what/how I was feeling. I felt like doing something creative, so I spent some time making my new banner (it was time to change it anyway because my christmas unicorn was still up :P). I was delighted when I gave Patrick his bath this morning. It wasn't as rushed as usual because it was the first bath where he didn't spend the whole thing crying! Yay! So now i'm hopeful and keeping my fingers crossed that his bathtime from now on will be more enjoyable for the both of us. Anyways, that's about it for today. Now i'm off to give Victoria her reward for exceeding her goal of 20 checkmarks for the week......she gets a manicure & pedicure from Mommy :P
April 01 An Appointment and laughs, An Appointment and tearsTodays Mood(s): Interested, Relieved, Playful, Happy, Exasperated, Tired
My first appointment today, was in the south part of the city at 9:45 am for Victoria. She needed to have an ultrasound done to check her bladder because she is having recurring bladder infections. I was interested to know if they would find anything wrong, and relieved to hear that everything looked normal. We had a great laugh with the ultrasound technician though. Victoria kept asking what things on the screen were, and the technician would tell her. What gave us a laughing moment was this little piece of the conversation:
Victoria: "What's that?"
Technician: "That is your liver."
Victoria: "Liver?"
Thoughtful pause
Victoria: "Don't cats eat liver?"
It was not the only laughing moment she gave me today either. We got to the c-train station and were waiting for the train inside. There were about 5 other people standing around waiting as well. It was quiet, other than the sound of the escalator.
Victoria: "It's so quiet in here."
Me: "Yes it is."
Victoria: "Why are people not talking and getting to know each other? It's great Socialism."
These laughs put me in a playful mood, so when we were almost home she and I ended up playing around with the little bit of snow that is left. She was holding my hand and I would bump her with my hip so she would end up walking into little snowbanks. She in turn would scoop up little handfuls of snow and throw it on my back, or try and lead me into the snowbanks on my side of the sidewalks. We were laughing and having a great time together alone just her and I, which with 4 kids just doesn't happen often enough.
My second appointment today was in the north part of the city at 1:30 pm. It was for Patrick to get his RSV shot at the Childrens Hospital. Shots hurt.... baby cries a painful cry..... makes mommies want to cry too because they know it hurts and their baby hurts at that moment. I hate it when they have to get their shots, and I'm happy he only needs one more of these ones since the cold season is almost over. His next one is on the 28th. But, he's due for his first immunizations now too....*sigh* I'm sooo NOT looking forward to it.
Exasperated and tired.... I have to be up at 7 am to get Victoria ready and off to school...an appointment to get to for 11 am in the north part of the city again....and it's currently 11:20 pm and I have a 2 year old little girl who is tired but just WILL NOT go to bed. |
Yep, Elizabeth is potty training. At first it was hard to get her to go regularly, but she's getting better and more enthusiastic about it everyday. Because..... she wants to mark her own checkmarks on her very own chart. We printed it especially for her (it even has Dora on it because Dora is her favourite thing) and pinned it up so she can reach it herself. She is seeing everyone else getting checkmarks on the other charts, so she is excited about getting her own. Today she did awesome! First thing this morning was "Mommy i need a checkmark" so off we went to the potty and she did it right away! She came to me four times to do it today and managed to stay in the same undergarments all day! So i'm optimistic we'll be able to keep this up (because that's already two more times than she came to me yesterday), and soon she'll be ready for her "big girl panties", which are ready and waiting. Now...if only I could get the checkmarks to work as well as this at getting her to go to bed on time 
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